I will be honest in telling you that I was not sad to see 2011 come to an end, but not for the reasons you might think. Ministry-wise 2011 was a year of great testing, profound learning, and great blessing. God moved in mighty ways, blessing The Isaiah Ministry with a network of supporters, financially and prayerfully the likes of which you can not place a price. Just two years into the life of this humble little ministry which God designed and has allowed me to walk with Him in, I am overwhelmed just about every time I think about how it has grown and touched so many lives so quickly. I still tell people I don’t really know what I am doing, cuz well . . . I don’t. I don’t think there really is a course or training for this type of ministry-life, in the school-classroom sense. I guess I would say I was thrown into the deep-end, in a manner of speaking, and by God’s grace I learned to swim, albeit with a somewhat doggy-paddle/wild waving of the arms type of method. At times I have definitely felt like I was sinking, but by God’s mercy He has kept me afloat and continuously reassured me that the more I give Him control of ALL things, the more He will show up and blow my mind with what He chooses to do. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us . . .” right? Right now we are still in the thick of the yearly break before school starts back up in February and we are trying our best to finish renovations and additions to the ministry center before class is back in session. I hope to get pics up soon to show you how your donations and prayers have enable us to bless the kids and the community of Rafael Rios in this way. I look forward to getting back to Nicaragua myself in March to see the finished product, but first things first.
So, having said that, 2011 was amazing for The Isaiah Ministry. Personally speaking, I am hoping that the lessons I learned in the past year and all the mistakes I made along the way, sometimes repeatedly made, will remain behind me as another finished chapter in my life. However, at the same time I pray the Lord bring to my remembrance often the wisdom gained from the hard-knocks of 2011 so that I am not one of those guys James talks about. You know the one right? Here’s a hint . . . he’s got issues with mirrors, so to speak. For much of the 2nd half of the past year I felt as if I was cursed with a sincere desire to be a man of deepening resolve against sin, a man who’s character he would seldom compromise, if at all, for the pleasures of this age. However, more than a few times I found myself repeating the apostle Paul’s famous words in his letter to the Roman church; “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” If I could put a thousand exclamation points at the end of that sentence it would more accurately reflect my frustrations of this past year in battling my flesh.
Don’t worry though, it gets better:) The last few months of 2011 I picked up some books by Andrew Murray; if you haven’t heard of him or haven’t read his stuff, you would do well to delay no longer in sharing in his wisdom and anointed writings. God really began to speak to my heart through Murray’s teachings, especially his short book on submission to God entitled Absolute Surrender. Pretty early on into reading Absolute Surrender I recognized my immediate need of some time to meditate on what I was taking in. It was like drinking from a fire-hose and I didn’t want to miss a drop. I could see the severity of my sin against God in having not sought out and embraced this truth upon coming to know the Lord. Be it as it may, the Lord has His purposes and all happens in His timing, but I knew that I needed to take some time apart from ministerial duties for a short time and let the Spirit really minister to my spirit on surrendering absolutely. So, I took 3 days and shut myself up in a hotel room to be alone with my Creator. I won’t get into the details of what transpired over those 3 days, but what I will say is that I came away from that time under the strong conviction that I had not been submitting absolutely, wholly, daily to the Holy Spirit. Withholding absolute surrender to the Holy Spirit was at the root of all my failings to get rid of certain plaguing sins, doubts, and growing apathy that seemed to be creeping up my frame with full intention to swallow me whole.
Well, I’d love to tell you that since learning this truth and having it penetrate deeply my heart and mind everything has been squeaky clean; however, I think you and I both know the Christian’s journey is never that easy. The devil is still roaming about and tempting me to buy into his lies that pleasures of the carnal nature will satisfy me more deeply than practicing patience, having faith, living self-controlled, and most importantly, remaining absolutely surrendered to the Holy Spirit. This year, however, will be different. This year, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I will abide in the Vine. Crazy isn’t it? We can read something so many times and acknowledge with our minds the truth behind the words of Jesus, without ever actually putting them into practice ourselves. I admit this as my sin and only lament that it took me over 6 years to discover it as the root of my shortcomings in living a righteous, fully submitted life for Christ. Realizing this only makes His grace that much more beautiful and makes me that much more thankful for His patience with me.
Jesus declares; “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) If there be one thing that I have learned this past year it is the truth behind these words; in my own strength I can do no good thing, nothing, nothing that holds any real eternal value. So, I leave you now with some wisdom of Andrew Murray that has already been put into practice in my daily life, I encourage you to do the same in 2012 before another year slips by;
“When doubts arise and temptations come, I say: I am in Christ, this the place God has given me. I accept it; here I rest; I do now abide in Jesus.”
-Andrew Murray; Abide in Christ
Here is a link to a page where you can find a good portion of Murray’s most widely read books online for free.
Hey Michael I know you wrote this awhile ago, but I wanted to tell you something that I noticed while I was down there that relates to this blog entry. When I first got down there Lily had made mention of you from interactions she had with you when I’m guessing you were a bit more focused on correction rather than living in grace. And from that “preconceived” notion I was shocked when I finally met you. Which this was at the end of the year, around the time you were reading those books apparently, but it was a night and day difference. So much so that I told Lily that, she was glad to hear since it kinda put a bad taste in her mouth. But to wrap up, I greatly appreciated meeting both you and Eli, I hope to continue to stay in contact and visit often! You both are very wise and humble men of God, who will be rewarded great in His kingdom!
Ayla
Thank you Ayla. For sure God has definitely been working on me over the past year, especially in the last 6 months. Sometimes my approach is a little rough for some people, I get that. Sometimes I do generally lack grace and sin, which I am hoping and praying is less and less often the case. However, sometimes I feel that the words the Holy Spirit speaks through me are hard to swallow and cut to the heart, which are going to be naturally abrasive for the intended to receive. My hope in every friendship of mine is that God use me to bring my friend closer to Christ in holiness and passion for Him, whether that be through serious, up-front conversations or through solely listening and gently leading. Ideally, both of these facets of a relationship would be present, for I believe both are loving.
I pray as well that Lily is doing well and growing closer to Christ in her relationship with Him daily. I certainly meant no disrespect by what I said, and if I lacked grace with her, well I obviously repent of that and wish to be more graceful if we ever meet again in the future. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I hope to see ya again someday down here in Nica, Lord willing.
Take care in Christ.
Michael